Dear Daughter,
You are my beautiful child and
will always be the most special person to me in this world. You are my
reflection and yet an individual in your own right.
While I will always give you the
freedom to live your life the way you want, please remember that I am right
here, right next to you; no matter what happens and no matter what you need.
You will always be my first
priority and my first responsibility. I will not be with you physically always,
but never for a moment will I leave you.
Being a woman is both the hardest
and the most amazing thing that can possibly be. There are so many things that
I have learnt in my life that I feel it unfair to not share that knowledge with
you, I am hoping these life lessons will help to guide you in times when you
feel lost and hopeless.
Marry a boy who is of your age
and not “settled” in life
– Unless it’s for love, please don’t marry someone who is much more successful
than you. It can be a burden carrying that around, being constantly
overshadowed by your spouse. Instead, marry someone of your age, nothing brings
two people closer than struggle and failures. It might be a while before you
can buy your dream car or own your dream house, but you will be together in it.
A man whose success is hugely disproportionate to yours can any day turn around
and tell you so. Trust me, it won’t feel nice.
Your male friend – Some day you will meet a nice boy
who will be a good friend to you. Your heart may not set on fire every time you
see him, but he will be someone who will always try to make you smile; please marry
that boy, if you let him go, you are an idiot. Over the years you will find
that the gentle warmth of a good and caring human being far surpasses burning
passion.
Make sure you have a career, not
a job – Please
don’t spend your life making someone’s home comfortable, being a home maker is
noble. But it’s also hard. It will frustrate you. Choose the easier path. Make
sure you have a career and not just a job. Don’t work for the sake of doing
something or having somewhere to go.
Work for yourself – Always remember, you never
work for an organisation or a person or a boss. You are only working for
yourself. Each day the growth is yours. So while you may hate your job, if you
are learning and improving, it’s worth it. Your only aim in your career should
be to increase your own employability.
You will keep hearing this in office,
“nobody is indispensable.” That’s their way of telling you that you better keep
slogging without complaining or we will find a replacement. Always remember,
don’t let this make you feel worthless. You are a human being, not a machine.
Anybody can do your job but not anybody can be you.
Bad and stressful jobs – Working is not easy, especially
in India. People in the workplace may or
may not be nice, but it’s neither their job nor your right to make people be
nice to you, just ensure they give you a certain minimum level of respect.
On most days you will feel like
quitting and walking out. Quitting is both always and never an option. But
remember, a job might be bad but work is never bad. Work is the highest form of
prayer. Please take out time to read the Bhagwad
Gita, not because it’s a religious text but because it’s a very practical
and useful. The importance of karma
and the futility of inactivity is enshrined therein.
You are never obligated to sleep
with someone –
Men will be nice to you, but that doesn’t impose any kind of an obligation on
you to sleep with them. Always remember, who you decide to share your body with
is only your choice, don’t let anyone influence or manipulate you into thinking
you owe some kind of debt to them which can be repaid only through sex or if
you will lose them if you don’t give in. I am not going to give you a lecture
on how virginity is your precious gem and so on but always try to maintain
standards in life. Any boy who sees all of you should be worth something.
Respect your body – Please eat well and don’t
starve for a single day in your life. Admire and love your body, you only have
one. There will be a lot of people who will try and force you to conform to
certain standards of beauty that seem relevant to the world at that point in
time. As long as you are healthy, don’t bother about anything else.
Indian Marriages - Getting married in India will
bring out the fiercest feminist in you. Always do the opposite of what you are
told to do, if they tell you to wear a saree, please locate your shortest dress
and put it on with pride, nobody gets to tell you what to wear. Not even me.
One gets used to periods, waxing
and threading, they are not the dreadful parts about being a woman – I know for a long time in life
these three things will feel like hell, but after a while they don’t seem so
bad. These are not the worst things about being a woman. Getting groped in
public and feeling unsafe at most times will be. There is literally no way in
which I can help you with this. Neither can I stop you from going out and
living your life nor can I police what you wear, harassment strangely anyways
has nothing to do with your clothes. All I can say is, be brave and learn as
much self - defence as possible. Don’t dream of heroes, be your own hero.
The
world hates women
– You will find yourself facing criticism and hatred at every step in life. Men
hate women, women hate women, the whole world hates women; especially women
like us who speak our mind and do what we want to do. Men may still be helpful
and kind, but you will shocked by the amount of insensitivity some women can
show to other women. Always remember the guiding rule, it doesn’t matter. Your
family and good friends will always be right beside you.
Acquaintances
and true friends
– In the course of life, you will make a lot of good acquaintances and people
who are “fun” to hang around with. They are not your friends. It is always
better to have 5 good friends than to have 50 fake ones. Learn to differentiate
between people who genuinely care about you and those who will criticise you
the moment you turn your back. Good friends will always point out your
shortcomings on your face and stand up for you in your absence. Such people are
rare, but they are there. You will be surprised to learn about who are the
people who actually and genuinely like you, very often they will be people for
who you have done nothing and yet they will always be there when you really
need them. That’s literally how strange this world is.
You are my hope, my vision and my
life. The only reason I defer bringing you into this world is not because I am
scared of your dependency on me but because I am afraid of mine on you.
